40.Our.Birth.Story

Wednesday | 07.11.2018 | 19:55 | Girl | 3.980kg

This little girl has impeccable timing (just like her mama) and was going to show us and the world that you can be born on your due date or that she was one of the 4% who was going to be.

Labour and birth were the most crazy, painful, amazing, beautiful, hardest thing I have ever done. Its true that it's like nothing you could imagine or have come close to experiencing before - This is our birth story so quite a long entry and with full disclosure this is the open and honest story with both captured moments and emotions from that day and now looking back on it too - The good bad and ugly, you have been warned haha! So if your still reading, Enjoy!

💚 The Morning Of | November 7th

The morning of my due date started at 9am when we arrived at Waitakere Hospital planning to next time we leave (likely in 2-3 days) to have our baby in our arms. We were going to be induced due to decreased fetal movements and the fact that Baby Fels was full term and a decent size. So myself, Nic and my mummy waddled (well I did anyway!) into the room and kicked off the session with a CTG (protocol) throughout this I always watch the monitor as my beautiful bebes heartbeat is something that I cant get enough of and it's always interesting to watch your tightenings aka Braxton hicks show up on the monitor, weirdly I did notice they were quite regular on the little graph but didnt think anything of it as they were just the usual tightenings I've had since about week 26/27! Next step was a vaginal examination to asses the situation down there and gauge how to kick off the induction - The midwife explained there were two levels of induction gel, one for if nothing had started within my body which would help thin and soften the cervix or the second which is for when the cervix is thin and ready but not yet dialating to help this dilate before they break your waters. So this assessment would see what level we would start at, when she did the examination you are given a score so you dont really know how your doing until they tell you. Well we were in for a pleasant surprise when the midwife looked at her colleuge and said "I wasnt expecting that" then proceeded to tell me I was 2cm dialated and she could feel the babies head nice and deeply engaged. I was absolutely stoked with this news as you all know my "birth preferences" didnt include induction. So they sent us home to go for a walk and let it happen, we then had another appointment at 8pm that night for a check in and then 8am the following day they would likely break my waters if I wasnt progressing. One more quick CTG and we could leave yay!!

Towards the end of the final CTG before leaving I felt my first contraction with a little twinge (I was like OMG and actually super excited! Announcing it to Nic & Mum haha!) We planned to go to hobby point for a walk, little did I know betime I got to the car things would have already escalated... very QUICKLY! So I said to mum who was parked away from us ummmm scratch hobby let's go home and walk there so if things did happen I was where wanted to be. Well we didnt end up walking at all haha my labour progressed VERY fast and before we knew it I was bracing myself for contractions and this baby was coming. Safe to say we were not making that 8pm appointment (mum knew that in her gut where as I was like see you later on to the midwifes lol genuinely believing I would still be induced or labour would at least take a day - Boy was I wrong).

💙 Labour | 13:00 7th November

Holey mother f***en shit. Yup that shit hurts. It hurts more than anything I've ever experienced but by god it's worth it when you see that little rugrat coming your way ❤

My labour went very smoothly, to me it couldn't have been a more perfect (ok less the grade 3 tear and pile of stitches in my hu-ha but hey shes here ha!) I am one of the lucky ones that can say it ran to my "plan" and I stuck to it 🙌🏻 Total time from the first twinge to her being in my arms = 7 hours. Actual active labour time = 3.05 hours and pushing 20 minutes (It took longer to stitch me up then to push her out 😂 oh joy cant wait for that post partum experience)

To start with labour is quite exciting ( I mean you spend you whole third trimester waiting for this moment) you get contractions that hurt but in between them your back to your usual self; I cracked jokes, chatted, opened presents (yes Aunty Jess turned up with a YAY your in labour present too cute!) And then braced myself as each contraction came and rode the waves. I remember asking mum at one point if they got more intense or just longer and closer together, should have guessed all of the above ha!

Within half an hour they had ramped up and I wanted to lay down in between to rest but not get stuck laying when a contraction hit, sister was on the timer and would give me a 10 second warning so I could do this but quickly prepare ad reposition as one was coming. As I envisioned I was most comfortable labouring standing, leaning, swaying or in the shower so that's what I rotated between. Funnily the swiss ball, bench and bed were all at the wrong height to lean on so Nic would get down on his knees so I could use him when one was hitting (apparantly my grip strength that day was insanely strong on his shoulders haha soz babe!). It would have been quite entertaining to watch me summon him to the floor as a contraction was approaching the poor bugger, but what could he do he couldnt say it hurt in this instance or mum probably would have slapped him haha!

The shower was probably my favourite place, with Nic or Mum holding the hot water pressure on my lower back (removable shower heads are THE BEST) when a contraction would hit and then front in the break between. But I had to be on my knees so mid labour Nic whipped outside and we heard the skill saw go and he built a bench seat for me to lean on while on my knees #mcgyver #tradiewin. What a f****n guy right!? If I wasnt so deep in pain I probably would have cried because it was so thoughtful!

Looking back I laugh to myself about how literal I took my midwifes book around your first child and the labour/birth process - Mum kept saying should we call Brooke and I was like no the book says after 4 hours in this stage and mum was like Ash you did the first stage in 2 instead of the book saying 12+ so might be a good idea? hahahahha, so I somewhere eventually gave in (think it was when I started to freak I might give birth at home or when I wanted the gas hahaha). When Brooke arrived she did a vaginal examination and I was already 5cm dialated but one side of my cervix less than the other so when we went to hospital I would need to try labour with one leg up to even it out. Labouring at home was everything I wanted I had Nic my mum and sister surrounding me the perfect combination of calm, encouraging, humor and love and we made a bloody fantastic team (probs could have even delivered the baby at home tbh ha!). So thanks team!! I LOVE YOU x

The car ride to hospital was the absolute worst, I was so close in contractions that we made sure I had one jumped in to help minimise the ones during, but of course it was peak hour on a workday so it was inevitable. These were so painful as I couldnt move and stand, the best I could do was arch my back and push on the floor, relief came over me when we pulled up outside that maternity ward and I don't think I have ever got out the car faster (proceeding to have one leaning on the card door as soon as I stood up!) We got to hospital at 6pm which is all a time blur for me (so we were only there for 1:55 before she was born)!

In hospital Brooke had the bed set up against the wall so I could lean on it, I sucked the gas which half the time wasnt working (Nic tested it hahah) but it kept me focused on my breathing and made me breath in super deep it almost helps you distract yourself. I did use some affirmations from yoga and in my head was saying "you are strong, you can do this, pain is progress" when I was in transition and it did help!! I also used the shower there too! I didnt end up in the bath because your so indecisive when that deep in the process and asked what you want to do (your like I dont flippin know, and whatever I decide I'll then change my mind ha!) I'm so thankful I had the freedom to not be on the monitor and move around until the final push though so I stuck with what had got me that far already 🙌🏻

The pain cant really be described, the closest thing to it is the worlds worst most intense deep period pains or if you've had an ovary cyst burst that consistently not as a one off! And when your contractions have next to no break in-between it doubles. And the whole time you feel like you want to poo! (Guys I didnt and trust me I was worried haha I even started saying during labour I dont want to poo hahaha).

💜 The Push | 19:35 7th November

In the end phase I had to hop on the bed because they were struggling to pick up babies heart beat on the doppler they kept getting mine so they needed to strap me up, the pain was worse for me on my back so I gripped Nics hand and had the gas in my other. In the end they had to pop the monitor on babies head to be more accurate as her heart rate dropped when we started to push so it was the safest option (She became a little distressed). To do this the midwife needs support so they have to hit the "emergency button" which brings people rushing in..at this point I was looking at mum and her face is an open book - she was white and freaked out because they dont explain why until after its sorted and when your own baby is on that bed your heart would drop (I now know this as I freak at any little scary thing with my bebe already!) So I remember quickly shifting my eyes up to Nic who smiled at me and said your doing great babe and I relaxed again. This is where my waters broke and it was time to PUSH.

Pushing feels like someone putting there fingers in your mouth and pulling your cheeks as hard as they can. It mother f***en burns, it burns so god damn bad and that head feels like the size of a bloody watermelon alright. But if I'm honest this part is much better than the transition phase of labour, because with your peak of contractions you are starting to push but nothing you do eases that contraction pain where as when your ready and pushing that baby out it almost eases that pain with the burn or you can feel progress and that your close. Something quite shit is the feeling of crowning but then the head retracting back in when your contraction finishes, you can feel the hard work and know your close to having your baby so I think I actually wanted to cry in my head but ain't nobody had time for that and it makes you push harder the next time haha (our bloody bodies I tell ya, so smart!)

Its true that you have a mammal instinct that takes over from deep within and you push like you never have before and when you feel that head come out followed by the body it's the best god damn feeling in the world, instantly like a balloon deflating. By far my number one feeling from the whole labour. Closely followed by my waters breaking which is a huge warm gush ( yes I was a gusher not a trickler haha) that also feels bloody amazing (mine only broke during the end of the transition phase and I remember smiling it felt so good). The noises I made were quite cave like also 😜 With some deep grunting or almost growling (a whimper or three also) but I was one who held it deep inside so was actually quite quiet (not as dramatic as my normal personality, who would have thought lol!).

That final push and feeling Baby Fels come into the world was the most amazing sensation, you feel relief (that labour is over) and then this overwhelming sense of achievement and while that's happening you hear babies first cry and the room is filled with a buzz before they hand you your new bundle.

💛 Shes here | 19:55 November 7th

All I could ask when they were catching baby was what is it haha! Nic was announcing the gender but when she was born her imbilicle cord was right in his view line so it took a while to be sure haha! But when he finally said "its a girl" my eyes filled with tears and I smiled ear to ear, our baby girl. We had a daughter! (He said it loud enough that our family outside heard and you could hear the squeals and excitement!). And then they passed me the little delight and I looked around at Mum, Nic and Jess and saw the smiles, emotions and in that moment I was content and so happy to have my little family earth side. I swear inside I was balling happy tears but outside they trickled and I just smiled and soaked in all that had just happened while holding our new baby girl - The pain instantly gone (it returns post partum sadly hahahahhah). Both Nic and I looking at our baby girl with tears in our eyes is a moment I will never forget.

We decided to have delayed cord clamping so when they placed baby on me for skin to skin and the first feed (yes they latch straight away minutes after being born, that's just the beginning soon they will be a leech on that nipple 24/7 ha! you've been warned) we were still attached so she could take the last goodness from my placenta then when ready Nic cut the cord that grew our beautiful life which made me super happy as it was to me symbolizing now its us three growing her not just this mamas tummy 🙌💖

(Nic said it was like cutting through the knot of the balloon followed by a rush of blood, and going through his head was is baby going to feel it or squirm hehe).

My skin to skin ended up lasting longer than an hour because our beautiful little girl (just like all her scans showed) decided she wanted to come out with her hand by her face so safe to say she literally "ripped mama a new one" so straight away it was stitch up time (this took close to 2 hours! I bloody only pushed for 20 mins haha!). Unfortunatley for our family this meant a corridor wait for a while before meeting baby - one thing that makes me giggle everytime is I heard mum saying to dad go in and see baby and he was like no dont think I can yet and she was like yes you can... he started to walk in and Nic and I saw his feet under the curtain and were like noooo not yet! I mean, I didnt care you leave your dignity at the door when you give birth but walking in directly in view of someone stitching up your daughter's vagina may have scared poor dad so we saved him that 😂 I won't go into the feelings behind being stitched but in short it bloody hurts (but then what doesn't in childbirth honestly ha!) Nic was with us the whole time except when he went out to tell the family everything and the smile (and what I'm sure were little tears) said it all 😍, I was more in love with this man - which I didn't think was possible but boy oh boy it is (and it heightens again when I see him with his daughter over the following days, gahhh!). Baby then had skin to skin with her daddy before getting all her checks and then pass the parcel began - I watched my two beautiful families first cuddles with our daughter and to me time stood still, this is what life is about it's simply beautiful and I was one lucky lady to be surrounded by them all. What a ride it was.

💖 Reflection | 4am November 8th

Wow what a life changing, emotional, raw, scary and beautiful experience like absolutley no other. Its 4:09 am on Thursday November 8th and I'm sitting in Waitakere Hospital Maternity ward cuddling our beautiful daughter 💕 I stare at her and just cant believe we did it, we made her, I did it, I pushed her out and my heart is so full. I look at her little face and tears form shes ours and shes perfectly ours.

(Safe to say it's TRUE you dont get a wink of sleep night one as you just hold and stare at your beautiful creation). -A x

Side notes:

- Dad had a dentist appointment at home at 11am (Ohakune) and before hand he checked in and we were like no rush chill at home and come up Thursday as nothing will happen today 😂 Well post his dentist when he called mum with a numb face it was get in the car and get here hahaha! He made it to hospital by 6:30 when I was close to transition and gave me a big daddy cuddle and kiss I was so relieved he made it and then he went into the waiting room as he couldn't see me in pain. But I vividly remember amongst the hospital blur that cuddle and kiss and it made me so happy 💛

- While baby had cuddles I had that first shower. It feels soooo good (doesn't look great hahaha the water is red and you need help) but getting the blood sweat and tears off ya feels bloody great I tell ya!

- I think my sister has been put off having babies for a couple more years as she got front seats at my show 😂 If you need a stronger contraceptive for anyone you know put them in a birth!

- My best friends in labour (besides my support team) were my Avent Mist Spray which I used every contraction to cool off, my water bottle (Yes my Love Island bottle has been with me right through the journey LOL), a small essential oil blend designed for labour support that I would sniff (or Nic would wave under my nose) which just gives me a sense of calm as I used them heaps in pregnancy also and multiple hairties (I must have been in beast mode as I broke 2 or 3 trying to re-do my bun - followed by my scrunchie that made that sweaty bun look EPIC afterwards hahah).